abcd-eloise ♥ ✿ ♡ ☆ ✶

warm welcome to my blog. is this for you? is this for me? who are you anyway? what is even going on here?

enjoy some ramblings, poetry, pictures, art, essays about topics i suddenly become very enthusiastic about, etc etc. Or don't enjoy. it's up to you

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... email me at eloisejohl@gmail.com if you have thoughts, criticism, love letters ...

shhhhh i'm thinking

10th Jan 2025

thoughts

not to sound patriarchal or anything but what if i would love to be a receptionist who wears big glasses and does their makeup at their desk
→ i think she was always the blueprint

→ #deskjob (in the dark)

what if, instead of rejecting my father's tendencies, I just got really into motorbikes

sometimes singing is self care

8th Jan 2025

I wonder if i could hire a karaoke booth just for myself ..?

paper making in summer ♡

...i miss it

✲ someone tell me how to be alone ✲

5th Jan 2025

Recently (and also before recently) I have been thinking about being alone, and how, unfortunately, I hate it.

I am assured that some people like to be alone, often even. But when the people I love go home, I feel somewhat lost in my own head. Some lady on youtube told me I may be using social situations to avoid having to work on my unhealthy mindset and poor relationship with myself. Hmmmm.

Last week, in the strange liminal space between christmas and new year, I was off work, my plans kept getting cancelled, and I just needed to leave the house - so I went alone to the Barbican.

Something I often come back to in moments of loneliness is the poem 'How to be Alone' by Tanya Davis, (performed here by Andrea Dorfman). It makes me feel ... inspired? comforted? jealous?? I'm not sure. At 2 am I sat in bed and scribbled down all my thoughts as I read the poem through. It helped me understand what I was feeling a bit more.